We’ll have great days and terrible days. If we experience one of those “awful” days, our behavior is not the best and can get out of the way of establishing solid relationships, which are necessary to collaborate. The tendency to be defensive is among the ways to fan the flames of conflict. Let’s examine the nature of defensiveness and ways to transform it into a more collaborative approach.
What is defensiveness?
Defensiveness is the time when one’s thoughts become rigid. It’s not about protecting yourself from the other person and preventing yourself from feeling uncomfortable emotions inside yourself. The defensive response can temporarily block the core sensation you don’t want to feel. Psychologist Gary Chapin calls defensiveness “secrets that we don’t know about.” (Happiness The Proven Ways to Enhance Your Life Satisfaction, and Happiness (2004,)
Here’s the secret: Defensiveness is always built on fear. If you have a team member who is taking defensive actions, it will be beneficial to find out the things that they are experiencing fear or anxiety about. If you can identify this information, you can assist them in working through the problem.
The most dangerous aspect of defensiveness is the way it alters our perception of reality, leading us to focus more on self-preservation rather than focusing on problem-solving.
The Signs of Defensiveness at Work
I’m guessing that you know what defense is, but let me include these actions on the checklist:
The loss of humor
Looking to be the best
Looking for the final word
Interminable explanation
The silence that is dead
Sarcasm
Joking about others
Blaming
Sudden illness
Confusion
Eccentricity
Being way too nice
Refusing to let a grudge go
Obsessive thinking
This is the time to look at the reactions inside your organization. The team members will react defensively in a variety of ways. A team member might respond by appearing overly friendly or appear confused and then suddenly fall ill with a quick heart rate and clammy skin. One team member might appear to be highly critical and may believe that they’re so unique that no rules necessarily apply.
You Can Do What You Can Do
Use these strategies if you start to feel defensive or you are required to coach the team members.
1. Accept When You’re Being Self-defence. It is the first thing to do, taking on the responsibility for your own actions. Accept that you might need help and ask for help from your manager, colleagues, peers, or Human Resources.
2. Get a time-out. If you are in a state of defensiveness, the average physical reaction is an adrenaline rush. Your body is infused with energy, so you must be mindful in slowing down your pace to allow yourself in a state of relaxation. It will look different for each person and may include a brief walk, deep breaths, and splashing water over the face or changing the date of your appointment until you’re relaxed. The goal is to stop the negative cycle of high energy.
3. Pay attention to your self-talk. What are you saying to yourself that is leading you towards defensiveness? When you are in a more calm state of mind, begin to become aware of the thoughts you tell yourself. Are you making judgments without any reason? Are you beating yourself up? Feeling guilty? Try switching your thinking 180 degrees. Ask yourself, “What is happening? What is the reason my reaction is so intense? What do I fear most?”
4. Check Your Assumptions. The first thing to remember is that its human instinct to make assumptions, and everyone is doing it daily. It’s okay to make assumptions if you firmly stick to one position without taking into account the other. If the most critical factor in building strong relationships is collaboration, then the purpose of every interaction is to bring about an atmosphere of openness and harmony. The problem is when you are not convinced that you think the same way as someone else. Be open to the possibility of a different option when faced with someone who has a different view from your own. When you’re available in your thinking, people are less defensive than those who believe that the idea is the truth.
5. Disengage. This is all about getting rid of your self-esteem. It’s hard not to be a bit disappointed in the event that the outcome didn’t be exactly as you had hoped. It is essential to strike the right balance between being awed by the concept and separating yourself from work. When you are able to remove your sense of self-worth and self-esteem from the circumstance, it allows you to view things with greater clarity and objectively.
6. Restart the Process. It’s impossible to stay clear of emotional reactions in the workplace. However, there is a way to heal quickly after negative emotions arise. How? You must stop rehashing the mistakes that you made and concentrate on getting rid of blame games. When you release the past, you can see the possibility of a new future.
I don’t want you to be frightened and think everyone is defending themselves. However, it is essential to be aware of the fact that some behaviors need further investigation. Certain workplace situations can create feelings or fear inside us that we don’t wish to experience. Many people don’t realize that they’re acting out in destructive ways to protect themselves.
Maintaining an unflinching presence is among the best things that a leader can do to develop relationships with their team members.
